I really don’t know how to begin to describe these past few weeks. On one hand, I have begun to adopt a more positive, forward-looking outlook in life, but at the same time the status quo is pretty much unchanged, save for one thing: I have begun helping out my mother at her food stall inside a school canteen, which is also taking away some of my free time but also gives me a feeling of purpose. It’s tough work though, and it’s motivating me to find a job of my own faster so I could get working somewhere more preferable.
I think why the status quo remains pretty much unchanged may all be because of the cold I caught about a fortnight ago; that really made sure I was kept down and out (save for moments where I did unproductive things, like surfing the internet aimlessly). Worse still, my sleeping patterns became haywire during the cold, and the past week has been very, very tiring for me as my body tries to compensate for the lost sleep. That took away even more time that I could have spent on more useful things.
This will be a long and difficult journey for me, but I’m not going to give up easily this time. Indeed, for someone like me who had given up once and bore the consequences, I can’t afford to give up again, lest even more terrible things cometh this way.
In some way the difficulties I’m encountering here is also kind of driving me to get out of the hole I dug myself into even faster. I really can’t put up with where I am right now any longer, and I really want to get out of here, fast.
I have already planned ahead for next week: I’m going to seriously get started on my e-learning courses that I signed up for but haven’t had the time or energy to do, and also start spending quality time learning how to draw – something I have really been wanting to do. There are also a number of other things that I hope can be done this week, and I hope they can be the little steps onto a path that will eventually take me out of this hole I dug myself into.
I really don’t want to give up again. No more laziness and excuses.